To undertake the task of a self portrait was a strange and for me, a somewhat disquieting endeavour as it required a level of objective focus that was both difficult and enlightening in equal measure.
The sombre feel of it is perhaps somewhat deliberate as I wanted it to be a true reflection of how I was feeling at the time as well as serving as a personal historical record of this particular snapshot of my life at the age of 52.
The recent pandemic and subsequent restrictions have taken its toll on us all in one way or another. Having to 'lockdown' has been, for many of us, a somewhat forced period of self reflection which for me has been quite sobering.
Taking stock of my life to date in a vacuum, without any outside influences or demands was a slow torture that needed an emotional outlet and so undertaking this painting, provided that.
I feel it is a true representation of me, if not a totally accurate likeness and I see myself and echoes of my father which started to emerge during the earlier stages of the painting. Having had a somewhat turbulent and difficult relationship with him when he was alive; witnessing his features emerge at the tip of my brush, felt like a spiritual awakening of some sort and left me searching for answers to some very deep rooted feelings, both good and bad.
Locked Down
Oil on Canvas - 40cm x 50cm
Private Collection
